One thing that surprised me when I first visited the Philippines in 2019 was the number of age-gap relationships between younger Filipina women and older Western foreigners. You can see them holding hands in public without offending anyone.
As a relatively younger guy (I am in my mid-30s), dating women 10-12 years younger in the Philippines is a definite option and an exciting draw. And I always try to be open-minded and to treat women with kindness and respect.
Many factors draw Filipinas to date and marry men from other countries, often significantly older men from Western nations. While some may see these relationships as taboo or problematic, they can be mutually beneficial when approached ethically.
The Philippines has a long history of colonization, first by Spain and then by the United States. This exposure to Western culture and difficult local economic conditions have led many Filipinas to view older foreign men as attractive partners. They may be perceived as exotic, worldly, wealthy, and able to provide a more comfortable lifestyle.
When entered into with realistic expectations and mutual respect, age-gap relationships can create a win-win situation. The man gets to date a younger, beautiful woman, and the woman gets some financial support and stability. This article will explore ten common reasons why Filipinas choose to date and marry older foreign men when done so ethically and consensually.
Also see: The Ultimate Guide to Dating Women in the Philippines
10. Less Drama
Many young Filipinas feel that older Western men are less likely to engage in relationship drama or play emotional games. Older men, especially those who are retired, often have a more relaxed and easy-going attitude about life compared to younger local men. Their maturity and confidence allows them to handle challenges and disagreements in the relationship with calmness rather than unnecessary drama.
Some Filipinas have complained that young local men can be possessive, jealous, and quick-tempered. Older Western men are perceived as being more emotionally stable and less likely to engage in toxic behaviors like gaslighting or verbal abuse during arguments. Their life experience has taught them that open communication, understanding, and compromise are the keys to a healthy relationship.
9. Older Men Have Respect and Appreciation
Some of the older foreigners that I met in the Philippines have been through multiple ugly divorces with women from their home countries. So, they feel more gratitude because they have been rejuvenated from having a younger, beautiful woman in their lives.
These Western men appreciate the traditional gender roles that are still intact in The Philippines. Filipinas are often willing to cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, and take care of the house. It really is a breathe of fresh air for them.
8. Reverse Retirement
The “reverse retirement” system is common in the Philippines, where adult children are culturally obligated to care for their aging parents. Many young Filipinas seek foreign husbands who can help provide the financial means to support this system.
A key motivation for Filipinas marrying older Western men is to gain the resources to provide better care for their parents. With a foreign husband, a Filipina wife can send money to her parents regularly. This provides a comfortable retirement for the parents, as they no longer need to work in old age.
Marrying an older Western man can lift the burden on a young Filipina of being the sole breadwinner for her aging parents. With the husband’s savings and pension, the reverse retirement system becomes sustainable. The foreign husband gains a caring, family-oriented wife devoted to her parents, while the wife gains the ability to fulfill her cultural duty of providing for her elderly parents.
Also see this article where I talk about how to give support money and how much: Common Issues w/ Solutions For Expats Dating Filipinas
7. More Travel
I’ve never met a Filipina that didn’t have a lust for travel experiences. And that’s one of the top reasons young Filipina women seek relationships with older Western men – the opportunity to travel and see the world.
Many young women in the Philippines have never left their home country and may never get the opportunity due to financial constrains. The Philippines has over 7000+ islands and some women have barely left the island that they grew up on.
An older man, especially one from a Western country like the United States, Canada, or Europe, is more likely to have the financial means to travel often. With retirement or semi-retirement, they may have more free time as well. This gives them the flexibility to take several vacations every year and show their young partner different islands in the Philippines and other countries as well.
6. Financial Mentorship
One of the things I’ve learned through travel is how much Western men, like myself, take for granted the financial education and opportunities that are available in our home countries. Many Filipino women come from poor families and communities. They haven’t had much opportunity to learn proper money management skills.
An older Western man who is financially secure can teach his younger Filipino partner how to budget, save money, open a bank account, invest for the future, and take care of finances. He can mentor her on financial literacy that she may not have had access to before.
Some older men may even help their Filipino partner go back to school to improve her education and get a better job. With this knowledge, she can become more independent and contribute financially to the relationship too. It’s a win-win situation.
5. Relationship Experience & Patience
Older men have the benefit of more relationship experience that comes with age. They are more likely to know how to properly treat a woman and meet her emotional needs. An older man has had more time to mature, develop wisdom about relationships, and learn from past mistakes.
He is less likely to play games or be dishonest. With life experience comes emotional intelligence and empathy. The man understands what women want and need in a romantic partner. He has learned how to communicate, resolve conflicts, and maintain a healthy relationship.
The older man can also better understand a woman’s perspective and be patient with her. His experience helps him know how to compromise and keep the relationship strong. He has acquired relationship skills that can create a satisfying partnership built on trust and mutual understanding.
Also see: Top 7 Reasons Why Foreigners Love The Philippines
4. Older Men Have Longer Stays
Many older Western men who date Filipinas have the advantage of being retired. This means they have the time and flexibility to live for extended periods in the Philippines if they choose. Rather than visiting for just a vacation or short stay, retirees can become residents and immerse themselves in the local Filipino culture.
When I first arrived in the Philippines I was only 30 years old. I had somehow persuaded my employer into letting me take 3-weeks off from my full-time salaried position. Considering travel time in airports and jet lag from a 12-hour time difference, this was nowhere near enough time to develop a relationship in the Philippines.
Eric James
For Filipina women seeking commitment and companionship, knowing their older Western partner can stick around long-term and isn’t just passing through briefly is a big benefit. Retirees looking to settle down in Southeast Asia for the lifestyle, climate or cost of living will prioritize finding a stable, long-lasting relationship.
3. Less Likely To Be Promiscuous, Cheat, and Play Games
Many young Filipina women find older Western men to be more loyal and serious about relationships compared to younger local men. There is a perception that older men, especially those who are retired and have already been married and divorced, are less likely to cheat or play games in a relationship. These men tend be more direct in knowing what they want.
Some younger foreigners and local Filipino men have a reputation for being unfaithful and engaging in multiple relationships at the same time. The culture of “machismo” promotes this behavior in certain segments of society. As a result, young Filipina women often feel that older Western men are more likely to commit to a monogamous relationship.
2. Maturity and Confidence
Older men tend to be more mature and self-assured due to their greater life experience. They are likely to have a strong sense of who they are and what they want in life. This maturity and confidence can be very attractive to younger Filipina women, who may feel more secure with a partner who is sure of himself.
Having gone through more of life’s ups and downs, an older man has developed resilience and the ability to handle whatever challenges arise. He can remain composed under pressure. For a Filipina seeking a life partner, these maturity traits provide a sense of safety and dependability.
Also see: 7 Reasons Why Filipinas Are So Desirable for Foreigners
1. Financial Stability
It’s important to approach #1 with sensitivity and without making assumptions about individuals’ motivations, as preferences can vary greatly from person to person. That said, due to the financial constraints of some Filipina women, some of them seek partners that are in a more stable financial position.
From my travel experiences, the same could be said for many other countries like Thailand, Vietnam, Colombia, and even my home country – The United States. If done correctly, partners can work together to create win-win relationships. I’ve witnessed foreign men foster opportunities for their Filipina girlfriends to get educated and become self-supporting.
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Overall, Filipina women find great appeal in the wisdom, self-possession and stability that comes with age and experience. An older man’s maturity and confidence indicates he would be a steady, supportive life partner.