Straight men visiting Thailand will want to avoid accidental intimate encounters with ladyboys, also known as kathoeys or transgenders. It’s important to note that Thailand has a relatively high population of ladyboys, who often gather in popular tourist destinations, especially in Bangkok’s red-light districts and Pattaya City.
Before my first trip to Thailand, this was a concern that I shared as well – Would I be able to tell the difference between real Thai women and ladyboys? Having made multiple trips to Thailand, I can assure you that there is little need to worry as long as you become aware of a few key things.
To distinguish between a real Thai woman and a ladyboy, there are several physical characteristics to consider, including Adam’s apples, deeper and more awkward voices, height, exaggerated mannerisms, and larger hands. When in doubt, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. It is always important to treat everyone with kindness and respect, as they are simply individuals deserving of understanding and consideration.
In this article, let’s dive deeper so you will be well-prepared on how to distinguish between a ladyboy and a Thai woman. Although there are several notorious stories about straight foreigners accidentally messing with a ladyboy, it’s actually quite uncommon. The ladyboys themselves usually don’t want to put themselves in an awkward, or yet possible dangerous situation, by hiding the fact that they are a transgender. They are usually transparent about it.
Also see: The Ultimate Guide To Dating In Thailand For Foreigners
Identifying Ladyboys In-Person
In Thailand, you will run into ladyboys when you are out walking on the streets and in the malls. If it’s your first trip to Thailand, you may even be surprised when you hotel receptionist or coffee barista is a ladyboy.
Here are a few key physical traits that can help spot and identify ladyboys:
- Adam’s Apple – This is one of the most obvious giveaways. Biological men tend to have a bigger Adam’s apple, while women’s are usually not visible.
- Voice – Listen for a deep, masculine-sounding voice. Ladyboys usually speak in an awkward, higher pitch in an attempt to sound feminine.
- Height – Most Thai women are quite petite, so height can be telling. Ladyboys tend to be taller, with many over 5’5″.
- Mannerisms – Watch for exaggerated feminine movements like twirling hair or swaying hips. This dramatization is often a dead giveaway.
- Hand size – Biological men tend to have larger, more masculine hands.
- Jawline – A strong, square jawline can indicate a biological male.
- Fake Boobs/Butts – Artificial enhancements to the breasts and buttocks are also dead giveaways. While some Thai women have artificial breasts, nearly all ladyboys have had the procedure done or are planning to. In addition, some have obvious enhancements to the rear and hip areas, looking different than a natural woman.
- Lots of Makeup – Ladyboys usually apply a lot of makeup whereas natural Thai women do not. Natural Thai women often times have incredibly smooth skin and do not need makeup.
The key is looking for masculine features that clash with the overall feminine presentation. With a discerning eye, spotting ladyboys by appearance alone is very possible.
Ladyboy Behavior Indicators
Ladyboys tend to act and dress more flirtatious and forward than Thai women. For example, they may make strong eye contact, smile, say hello or even approach you directly. They sometimes wear tall high heels and short skirts. This is quite different from the more reserved behavior of Thai women.
Ladyboys are also more likely to exhibit exaggerated feminine mannerisms and movements. You may notice over-the-top hip swaying or hair twirling. These dramatized actions are often an attempt to appear more feminine.
However, it’s important not to make assumptions or judgements based solely on behavior. Not all flirtatious individuals are ladyboys, just as not all reserved individuals are women. There is a wide range of diversity. Focus on treating everyone with respect, regardless of their mannerisms.
Also see: 10 Best Ways To Impress A Thai Woman As A Foreigner
Identifying Ladyboys In Online Dating
When using online dating apps and websites in Thailand, it is often more difficult to tell the difference between a real woman and a ladyboy than in-person. Due to technology and filters, appearances can be dramatically manipulated to appear more feminine. In my experience, here are a few signs to look out for when trying to identify ladyboys:
- Many ladyboy profiles do not specify gender. This allows them to match with straight men more easily.
- Photos are often taken at a distance or with sunglasses and hats on. This hides some of the more obvious physical tells. Close-up selfies are less common.
- If a profile seems too good to be true, with a model-esque woman interested in you, it very well may be a ladyboy. Some of them appear extremely beautiful and feminine in their pictures.
- Doing a video call before meeting can help confirm someone’s gender. Hearing their voice and seeing mannerisms provides more clues.
- Using heavy filters to manipulate their photos (remove adam’s apple, soften jaw line, etc.).
- Trust your instincts. If something seems suspicious or unclear, it’s best to ask more questions or move on. Don’t ignore red flags just because you find someone attractive. Proceed carefully.
Usually, when multiple of these red flags add up online, the odds increase that it is a ladyboy. Personally, I’ve found that Tinder and Bumble have more ladyboys on the platform that are posing as natural-born women. It can be difficult and exhausting to filter through them all. That’s why I prefer ThaiCupid and ThaiFriendly as my favorite dating apps/websites in Thailand. For a more in-depth review of online dating in Thailand, check out: 5 Dating Apps That Worked The Best For Me In Thailand.
When In Doubt – Ask Directly
When in doubt, the best approach is to ask directly and politely. Ladyboys will likely appreciate your directness and honesty. Here are some tips for asking respectfully:
- Use a friendly, casual tone. Say something like “Excuse me, I’m just curious – are you a ladyboy?” Avoid sounding accusatory.
- Don’t ask in front of others. Take them aside privately to avoid embarrassing them.
- If you are comfortable in your own skin, don’t be afraid to compliment them. Say something like “You look beautiful, by the way. I was just wondering if you might be a ladyboy?” They really appreciate that because they do spend an extraordinary amount of effort to get dolled up.
- Don’t make assumptions. Some ladyboys identify as female, so consider asking “Are you transgender?” rather than “Are you a ladyboy?”
- Accept their answer. If they say they are not a ladyboy, apologize for the mistake and blame it on your lack of experience in Thailand.
The key is to ask honestly and respectfully. Being direct avoids later surprises or hurt feelings on both sides. Though it may feel awkward to ask, most ladyboys will appreciate your consideration and sensitivity.
Avoiding Problems With Ladyboys
Keep in mind that being rude to a ladyboy could cause them to “lose face” publicly. This is an important cultural concept in Thailand and throughout Asia. Causing someone to lose face can provoke a volatile reaction, especially if alcohol is involved.
When interacting with ladyboys in Thailand, it’s important to stay calm and avoid showing fear. There have been some isolated incidents in the past when foreigners have disrespected or provoked ladyboys, sometimes when drunk, and it led to aggressive retaliation. Ladyboys tend to have each others back and the last thing you want is drama with an aggressive bunch of them. However, these situations are rare and can be avoided.
The key is to not act scared or say anything insulting to a ladyboy. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, remain polite and leave in a non-confrontational manner. Avoid hostile body language or words. Keep in mind that violence against tourists is extremely bad for Thailand’s reputation, so most locals have an interest in keeping the peace.
If a ladyboy approaches you or initiates conversation, there’s no need to be impolite – a simple “No thank you” and walking away is sufficient. Yelling, pushing, or other aggressive actions will only escalate tensions. Stay sober and keep calm. As long as you are respectful, the vast majority of ladyboys will leave you alone or happily engage in harmless interaction. With basic street smarts and mature thinking, you can avoid any major problems.
Also see: How To Avoid The Most Common Dating Scams In Thailand
Beautiful Thai Women Are Friends With Ladyboys
It’s important to understand that ladyboys are integrated into Thai families and communities. Being a ladyboy is viewed as natural in Thailand. Although they still sometimes face prejudice, Thai culture has a long history and tradition of accepting gender fluidity. So if you disrespect a ladyboy, you may upset not just that individual but also their family and friends. Word can spread quickly about rude tourists.
Your average Thai person does not ostracize or mistreat ladyboys. Neither should you as a guest in their country. The best approach is to treat ladyboys with the same courtesy and respect you would show anyone else in Thailand. Don’t act fearful or judgmental towards them.
Most beautiful Thai women are close friends with ladyboys and some of them even have them in their families. So, if you end up dating a Thai woman – be prepared to interact with ladyboys.