Foreign men seeking to date Vietnamese women in Vietnam presents a unique and formidable challenge. In fact, I have experience with dating in over 14 countries, including the Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Colombia, Poland, Hungary, and Argentina, to name a few. This experience comprises using online dating apps and approaching women in public settings. Among all these countries, I have found Vietnam to be the most challenging.
Dating in Vietnam presents significant challenges for Western men looking to find Vietnamese girlfriends and wives. Some of the biggest challenges are the cultural differences, the conservativeness of Vietnamese women, language barriers, and the difficulty of obtaining a visa long enough to build a genuine connection. However, overcoming these challenges does have many advantages. Vietnamese women make wonderful partners because they are caring, loyal, and feminine.
The main thing is to not worry, consider the challenges listed in this article as minimum barriers of entry. Once you learn how to overcome them, the rewards will be well worth your journey dating in Vietnam. Let’s go deeper on some of the biggest obstacles you may face dating in Vietnam and explore some possible solutions.
Also see: The Ultimate Guide To Dating Beautiful Women In Vietnam
Cultural Differences In Dating
Vietnamese culture is very different from Western culture. Traditional gender roles of masculine and feminine are still very much intact. This means that Vietnamese women often expect men to be providers and make the first move, while they take care of traditional feminine roles like cleaning, cooking, and laundry.
Men are expected to pay for all dates and be a financial provider in long-term relationships that lead to marriage. Public displays of affection (PDAs) like kissing and hugging are generally frowned upon. However, I’ll never forget when I was walking around a beautiful park at night in Aluoi, Vietnam. In the dark, I witnessed many young Vietnamese couples sneaking in kisses and cuddles with each other. I guess the nighttime provided them a layer of stealth that otherwise would have been frowned upon.
One big assumption that many foreigners get mistaken is to think that all the countries in SouthEast Asia have very similar cultures. While on the surface they may appear that way, they are actually quite different from each other. I’ve spent significant time in the Philippines, Thailand, and Cambodia, and Vietnam may have the strongest culture shock of all of them.
Another big cultural difference in Vietnam when compared to Western countries, is the need for family approval in partners. Vietnamese women are extremely loyal to their parents and often follow their advice and direction. For most Vietnamese relationships to have any substance, your Vietnamese partner will need to introduce you to her family.
Language Barrier
The English level is not high in Vietnam. Outside of major cities like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City, you’ll struggle to find English speakers. I found the English level is lower compared to nearby countries like Thailand, Cambodia, and the Philippines. I spent time traveling rural Vietnam on motorbikes trips to Hue, A Luoi, Que Son, and the English levels were practically none. Even in the popular tourist city of Da Nang (My An district), often times only one staff member in the restaurants could speak English and each time they would have to be called over when I had a question.
On the flip side, Vietnamese is an extremely difficult language for English speakers to pick up. It’s tonal, so the same word can have multiple meanings based on slight changes in pitch. The written language uses the Latin alphabet but with extensive use of accents and diacritics. All of this makes becoming conversationally fluent quite difficult and time consuming.
Therefore, it is advised to learn some basic Vietnamese phrases (I used DuoLingo) and get accustomed to using translation apps. On a side note, if you want to stay in Vietnam long-term the best option may be to become an English teacher. There is a big need for them and I met quite a few other expats doing that while I was there.
For dating, the language barrier makes it hard to have deeper conversations or emotional connections. Most interactions will be limited to basic phrases and vocabulary. Using translation apps can help but are still a challenge for nuanced communication.
Vietnamese Women Are Very Conservative
Vietnam is still a fairly conservative country. Premarital sex is taboo, and living together before marriage is rare. Vietnamese women tend to be more reserved and take relationships seriously. I found that they truly want to become “just friends first” and take a long time to get to know each other. Moving fast physically will likely turn off a good Vietnamese woman.
Vietnamese women often date with long-term relationships in mind, which may clash with foreigners who are accustomed to more casual dating. Due to my awareness of this, I didn’t pursue any long-term relationships with Vietnamese women because my 90-day visa is not enough time to overcome this challenge. However, I did meet several beautiful Vietnamese women in Da Nang. We exchanged Instagram’s and are remaining in touch and going through the friends phase.
Overcoming this challenge takes effort but it’s possible and worth it. I made friends with several Vietnam veterans from the United States that were married and living in Vietnam with their Vietnamese wives. They were adamant that Vietnamese women make the best wives if you can stay patient, build trust, and stay committed through the long courting phase.
Do Vietnamese women prefer dating Vietnamese men?
Another big challenge is that many Vietnamese women strongly prefer to date men from their own culture. As you can see in this video (YouTube), Vietnamese women were asked on the street whether they would prefer dating a foreigner or a Vietnamese man. Most of them preferred Vietnamese men because of the strong cultural differences and language barrier.
Another piece of the puzzle is that Vietnamese parents often prefer their daughters to date within their cultural. And Vietnamese women, for the most part, strive to get their parents approval and permission when picking partners.
The other thing is the language barrier mentioned earlier – most women in Vietnam do not speak English well and most foreigners cannot speak Vietnamese – leading to strong communication difficulties. By the way, Vietnamese is an extremely hard language to pick up. According to Effective Language Learning, Vietnamese ranks as a category IV language, making it one of the most difficult for native English speakers to learn.
Although many Vietnamese women prefer to date Vietnamese men, perhaps your best chance is to try a dating website like VietnamCupid, which is specifically designed to match Vietnamese women with foreigners. To see my full review and recommendations for online dating apps in Vietnam, check out: The 7 Best Dating Apps in Vietnam For Foreigners | Ranked
Lack of Desperation
Surprisingly, I never felt a lack of desperation in Vietnamese culture. I found very few beggars on the streets of Da Nang, Hoi An, Aluoi, Way, or Que Son. Also, I did not meet any Vietnamese women that were desperately looking for a foreign boyfriend. These two factors combined made Vietnam feel like a very safe place. It highlights that Vietnam has good government along with a strong culture where people generally look after one another.
Compared to my experiences in the Philippines, Colombia, and Cambodia, I noticed that in those countries, there seemed to be more women who were actively seeking foreign boyfriends. This could be motivated by the potential for financial support and an improvement in their quality of life through dating a foreigner.
Getting a Long-Term Visa
For U.S. and Canadian citizens, a visa is required to enter Vietnam. This is a strike difference if you are used to visiting the Philippines, Thailand, and other places by getting a tourist visa on arrival. For Vietnam, you need to give yourself at least two weeks in advance to apply. My friend and I applied about ten days in advance and both applications were initially denied for tedious reasons, which left us with serious anxiety of them getting approved in time. Fortunately, I did successfully receive my a 90-day multiple entry visa for Vietnam the day before my arrival.
As we mentioned earlier, most Vietnamese women are very conservative and prefer to take a long time before engaging in a relationship and getting intimate. Therefore, it’s unlikely that you will be able to build enough trust with her for a relationship on 30-day or 90-day tourist visa. They’ll want to know that you will be committing to Vietnam for the long haul.
For visitors wishing to get a long-term visa for Vietnam, it can be challenging. Always make sure to do your independent research and check official government websites to stay up-to-date.
The most common long-term visa is a 1-year, multiple entry visa. To qualify, you’ll need to meet strict requirements. The process takes 1-2 months and requires sending your passport and documents to the Vietnamese consulate for review. Approval is not guaranteed. Alternatively, you can enter on a shorter tourist visa and try extending it within Vietnam. But extensions are limited to 6 months total.
Getting a work permit or student visa can also provide longer term stays. Due to the high demand for English teachers, jobs are fairly easy to find. In fact, many of the younger expats that I met living in Vietnam were teaching English at local schools.
The last option, and perhaps the most expensive (haha) is to fall in love and marry a Vietnamese woman. Many of the older expats living in Vietnam found this to be the happiest and most fulfilling way to stay in Vietnam long-term.
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Thank you so much for reading!