One thing that surprised me on my first visit to the Philippines in 2019 was the number of age-gap relationships between younger Filipina women and older Western foreigners. As a relatively younger guy (I am in my mid-30s), dating women 10-12 years younger in the Philippines is an intriguing option whereas it might be considered “creepy” in my home country of the United States.
Many factors draw Filipinas to date and marry men from other countries, often older men from Western nations. The Philippines has a long history of colonization, first by Spain and then by the United States. This exposure to Western culture and difficult local economic conditions have led many Filipinas to view older foreign men as attractive partners. They may be perceived as exotic, worldly, wealthy, and able to provide a more comfortable lifestyle.
While some may see these relationships as taboo or problematic, they can be mutually beneficial when approached ethically. With realistic expectations and mutual respect, age-gap relationships can create win-win situations. The man gets to date a younger, more beautiful woman, and the woman benefits from a better socio-economic situation and improved lifestyle. This article will explore ten common reasons why Filipinas choose to date and marry older foreign men when done so ethically and consensually.
Also see: The Ultimate Guide to Dating Women in the Philippines
10) Potentially Less Drama
Many young Filipinas feel that older Western men are less likely to engage in relationship drama or play emotional games. Older men, especially those who are retired, often have a more relaxed and easy-going attitude about life compared to younger men. Their maturity and confidence allows them to handle challenges and disagreements in the relationship with calmness rather than unnecessary drama.
Some Filipinas have complained that younger men can be possessive, jealous, and quick-tempered. Older Western men are perceived as being more emotionally stable and less likely to engage in toxic behaviors like gaslighting or verbal abuse during arguments.
9) More Respect and Appreciation
Some of the older foreigners that I met in the Philippines have been through multiple ugly divorces with women from their home countries. So, they feel more gratitude because they have been rejuvenated from having a younger, more beautiful woman in their lives.
These Western men appreciate the traditional gender roles that are still intact in The Philippines. Filipinas are often willing to cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, and take care of the house. It can really be a breathe of fresh air for them, especially if they are coming from Western countries with modern dating cultures.
8) Reverse Retirement
The “reverse retirement” system is common in the Philippines, where adult children are culturally obligated to care for their aging parents. Many young Filipinas seek foreign husbands who can help provide more stability without having to worry about having enough food or a place to live.
A key motivation for Filipinas marrying older Western men is for an improved lifestyle and at times, provide better care for their parents. Marrying an older Western man can lift the burden on a young Filipina of being the sole breadwinner for her aging parents. With the husband’s savings and pension, the reverse retirement system becomes sustainable because she can use the money she earns from her job to support her parents because her basic needs are met by her foreign partner.
By the way, the key to dating Filipinas successfully is to learn how to properly handle the most common problems : Common Issues w/ Solutions For Expats Dating Filipinas
7) Travel Opportunities
I’ve never met a Filipina that didn’t have a lust for travel experiences. And that’s one of the top reasons young Filipina women seek relationships with older Western men – the opportunity to travel and see the world.
Many young women in the Philippines have never left their home country and may never get the opportunity due to financial constrains. The Philippines has over 7000+ islands and I’ve met some women who have never left the island that they grew up on.
An older man, especially one from a Western country like the United States, Canada, or Europe, is more likely to have the financial means to travel often. With retirement or semi-retirement, they may have more free time as well. This gives them the flexibility to take several vacations every year and show their young partner different islands in the Philippines and other countries as well.
6) Financial Mentorship
One of the things I’ve learned through travel is how much Western men, like myself, take for granted the financial education and opportunities that are available in our home countries. Many Filipino women come from poor families and communities. They haven’t had much opportunity to learn proper money management skills.
An older Western man who is financially secure can teach his younger Filipino partner how to budget, save money, open a bank account, invest for the future, and take care of finances. He can mentor her on financial literacy that she may not have had access to before.
Some older men may even help their Filipino partner go back to school to improve her education and gain valuable skills for a better job. With this knowledge, she can become more independent and contribute financially to the relationship too. It’s a win-win situation.
5) Relationship Experience & Patience
Older men have the benefit of more relationship experience that comes with age. They are more likely to know how to properly treat a woman, meet her emotional needs, and even spark a little romance. An older man has had more time to mature, develop wisdom about relationships, and learn from past mistakes.
Often times, Filipina women that I’ve dated enjoy playing the feminine role and be led by their man through dates. They enjoy just showing up to a date, with their role being to dress up, look cute, and be in a good mood, while the man makes the effort to plan out fun dates and manage the romance. For me, this was a welcomed change from the United States, where traditional gender roles have become confusing.
Also see: Top 7 Reasons Why Foreigners Love The Philippines
4) Older Men Stay Longer
Many older Western men who date Filipinas have the advantage of being retired. This means they have the time and flexibility to live for extended periods in the Philippines if they choose. Rather than visiting for just a vacation or short stay, retirees can become residents and immerse themselves in the local Filipino culture.
When I first arrived in the Philippines I was only 30 years old. I had somehow persuaded my employer into letting me take 3-weeks off from my full-time salaried position. Considering travel time in airports and jet lag from a 12-hour time difference, this was nowhere near enough time to develop a relationship in the Philippines.
-Eric James
For Filipina women seeking commitment and companionship, knowing their older Western partner can stick around long-term in the Philippines rather than just briefly passing through is a big benefit. Retirees looking to settle down in Southeast Asia for the lifestyle, climate, or cost of living, often prioritize finding a stable, long-lasting relationship.
3) Less Likely To Cheat or Play Games?
Many young Filipina women find older Western men to be more loyal and serious about relationships compared to younger local men. There is a perception that older men, especially those who are retired and have already been married and divorced, are less likely to cheat or play games in a relationship. These men tend be more direct in knowing what they want.
Some younger foreigners and local Filipino men have a reputation for being unfaithful and engaging in multiple relationships at the same time. The culture of “machismo” promotes this behavior in certain segments of society. As a result, young Filipina women often feel that older Western men are more likely to be faithful in a monogamous relationship.
2) Maturity and Confidence
Older men tend to be more mature and self-assured due to their greater life experience. They are likely to have a strong sense of who they are and what they want in life, and less likely to be party animals, going out to the club regularly. This maturity and confidence can be very attractive to younger Filipina women, who may feel more secure with a partner who is sure of himself.
Having gone through more of life’s ups and downs, an older man has developed resilience and the ability to handle whatever challenges arise. He can remain composed under pressure. For a Filipina seeking a life partner, these maturity traits provide a sense of safety and dependability.
Also see: 7 Reasons Why Filipinas Are So Desirable for Foreigners
1) Financial Stability
It’s important to approach #1 with sensitivity and without making assumptions about an individuals’ motivations, as preferences can vary greatly from person to person. With that said, due to the financial constraints of some Filipina women, some of them may seek partners that are in a more stable financial position and for an improved lifestyle.
From my travel experiences, the same could be said for many other countries like Thailand, Vietnam, Colombia, and even my home country – The United States. If done correctly, partners can work together to create win-win relationships. I’ve witnessed foreign men foster opportunities for their Filipina girlfriends to get educated and become self-supporting.
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Overall, Filipina women find great appeal in the wisdom, self-possession and stability that comes with age and experience. An older man’s maturity and confidence indicates he would be a steady, supportive life partner.