Dating internationally can come with a boatload of surprises for Western men who seek foreign girlfriends overseas. As someone who has dated in a large variety of countries, I’ve encountered numerous differences that take some time getting used to. Some of these stark differences will be a breath of fresh air, while others will spark a “culture shock” that can leave men baffled. I’ve found that the best strategy is practice open-mindedness and adaptability to ensure the best chance of success.
It’s important to point out that there are a huge variety of cultures, with each having their own unique nuances. Dating in Southeast Asia can be quite different than Latin America, which is quite different than Eastern Europe. Even countries within Southeast Asia can be quite different from each other, for example like when comparing the Philippines to Thailand. However, this article will surely help you become more open-minded and avoid some of the common pitfalls that I have experienced.
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Also see: The Complete Guide to International Dating For Western Men
Chivalry Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Different
Chivalry may seem like an old concept to some Westerners, which has taken become less important due to the rise of feminism and individualism. However, when dating internationally, you may find that acts of chivalry are not only alive but are also expected in many cultures. I’ve noticed that in both Latin American cultures and Eastern European countries, traditional chivalrous behavior—from opening doors to paying for meals—is considered the norm and is highly expected. And although it is considered normal, several Latin American women told me that they had never experienced chivalrous behavior until they met me. This is a great strategy to really separate yourself from the pack.
These gestures are seen not as condescending, but as a sign of respect and admiration. However, there is a stark difference in chivalrous behavior in Asia. For example, in Vietnam, Japan, and Thailand I noticed that women don’t want you to hold the door open for them and let them enter first. This will often confuse them. Men are expected to enter doors first because it shows that the man is the leader and protector. There are many small nuances in each culture, but a general attitude of respect and kindness will suffice for chivalrous behavior in any country that you visit.
In addition, flirting abroad can be quite different than in Western cultures. To learn more: 7 Ways To Flirt With Foreign Women | In-Person & Online
Traditional Gender Roles Still Rule in Many Regions
Western dating culture has seen a progressive blurring of traditional gender roles in recent years. Nonetheless, in many parts of the world, these roles of masculine and feminine are still deeply ingrained in the dating process. For instance, in many Asian and Latin American cultures, men are often expected to take the lead and be the primary decision-makers, while women might play more passive roles. This is probably my favorite aspect of dating internationally compared to dating in my home country of the United States.
When dating overseas just embrace the masculine role. Women like to follow your lead and will do so naturally. In the Philippines for example, I can’t tell you how many times a woman told me “it’s up to you.” I received this statement every time I asked a Filipina where she wanted to eat or whether she’d like to come with me to my apartment. After months of dating in the Philippines I shook off my Western dating habits and learned to take the lead. Rather than ask a question, make suggestions that begin with “Let’s go here…” You can soften it up by adding, “Are you comfortable with that?”
She’ll let you know if she prefers another option but will appreciate you being in a masculine role and taking the lead. Understanding and respecting these roles is key to successful cross-cultural dating.
Interested in finding a Filipina girlfriend or wife? Check out: The Ultimate Guide to Dating Women in the Philippines
The Pace Can Vary… Greatly
In the Western world, the pace of a relationship can be quite fast—we live in the age of “instant gratification.” Casual intimate encounters don’t always carry the same weight, nor signify a relationship has begun. However, this is not always the case internationally and one of the biggest misconceptions.
For example, before arriving in Medellin, Colombia, I had heard that women were often interested in moving to intimate relationships rather quickly, especially when mutual benefits or sugar daddy opportunities are involved. And while every single woman is different, I found that the highest quality women made me wait until the fifth date before any intimacy. In other countries I visited like Vietnam, dating can be a very slow process, with women seeking to be friends for months before any type of intimacy.
In contrast, in countries like the Philippines, things might move quickly from casual to serious. I’ve had Filipina women bring up marriage in the conversation on the second date. Being aware of the pace and how it maps onto the local culture can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both parties are comfortable with the progression of the relationship.
Family Matters in a Big Way
In Western countries, especially the U.S., individualism often takes center stage, and family involvement in one’s dating life can be minimal. In addition, it is common for Westerners to have desires to move out of their parents house to have their own life. That is often a signal of success that shows you are doing well in life.
On the flip side, in most non-Western cultures it is common for families to live together for their whole life. There is no negative stereotype for grandparents, parents, siblings, cousins, and children to all live in the same house and share both financial and chore responsibilities. Therefore, you may commonly hear that “family is everything”. This includes that family approval can be a make-or-break element of a relationship. In these cultures, dating is often viewed as a step toward marriage, and thus, getting the family’s support is crucial. It’s wise to be open and understanding of your partner’s family dynamics and its impact on your relationship.
Romantic Norms and Public Displays of Affection
The norms for exhibiting romance and affection in public can be startlingly different around the world. While holding hands and a peck on the cheek might be commonplace in public in Latin America, such public displays of affection are frowned upon in more conservative cultures in Southeast Asia and Middle Eastern countries where privacy is cherished. It’s important to be cognizant of these differences to avoid causing discomfort or drawing unwanted attention.
In Southeast Asia, trying to kiss your date in public while likely embarrass her, causing her to “lose face”. Public displays of affection will cause unwanted attention and she’ll feel as if there is a spotlight on her, with everyone watching. On the flip side, there is no problem doing that in Latin or Central America.
To avoid similar mistakes like public displays of affection, I wrote a comprehensive article based off my experiences dating abroad: 7 Huge Mistakes Men Make Dating Foreign Women Overseas
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Navigating international dating comes with a range of cultural expectations and practices. As a Westerner, it’s crucial to embark on these romantic endeavors with an open mind and adaptability. Chivalry and traditional gender roles, the pace of relationships, family influences, and views on public displays of affection can vary widely from one country to another. In the end, the key to successful cross-cultural dating lies in clear communication, mutual respect, and a deep appreciation of the diversity that brings us together.