Dating overseas can be an exciting adventure, but it’s important to be aware of the potential dangers. While I have successfully avoided major scams and safety risks (I’ve fallen victim to a few minor ones), I have friends who have encountered serious threats. This article will outline some of those major risks along with some tips to help you avoid trouble while dating internationally.
As a foreigner in an unfamiliar country, you may be seen as an easy target by scammers and criminals. I have dated women across a variety of countries in Southeast Asia, South America, and Europe. Some of the most serious risks include:
- Drink spiking – Criminals may slip drugs into your drink to incapacitate you and then rob you. This is a bigger risk overseas, where drink spiking incidents often go unreported.
- Fake online profiles – Scammers create fake dating profiles to build online relationships and then ask for money. It’s harder to verify someone’s identity overseas.
- Theft and robbery – Pickpocketing and mugging are risks, especially if you dress flashy and carry valuables. Criminals often target tourists.
- Financial scams – From fake money to online banking scams, be wary of any scheme to part you from your money. Scammers exploit foreigners’ lack of local savvy.
- Kidnapping – While rare, some organized criminal groups kidnap foreigners for ransom, targeting those who flaunt wealth.
With some street smarts and situational awareness, dating abroad can absolutely be safe. In fact, I have never, knock on wood, had a problem. But it’s wise to learn about the potential pitfalls and learn some tips so you can avoid them. The key is being informed, using common sense, and taking reasonable precautions. Also, please note, that I cannot guarantee your safety but hopefully the information mentioned in this article can reduce the risks.
Also see: The Complete Guide to International Dating For Western Men
Watch Your Drinks
When dating internationally, it’s important to be vigilant about watching your drinks. There is an increased risk of being drugged and robbed as a foreigner overseas, particularly in Central and Latin America where drugs like roofies and scopolamine are sometimes used.
Some criminals target foreigners by slipping drugs into unattended drinks in order to incapacitate and rob them. Scopolamine, also called the “Zombie” drug, is particularly scary because victims are often awake through the entire process and even assist the criminals to steal from them, only to wake up missing their valuables with no memory of what happened. The effects of these drugs include confusion, memory loss, and even unconsciousness.
To avoid this, keep a close eye on your drink at all times. Never accept a drink that has been out of your sight, even for a moment. If you must step away, take your drink with you or discard it. It’s also wise not to accept drinks from strangers. Stick to drinks you have ordered and watched being prepared instead.
Only Get In Your Car
One common method of kidnapping when on a date is when a woman says “we can use my driver.” For example, my friend was kidnapped in Medellin, Colombia on a date. They met at a restaurant for dinner, and the woman said that she knew of a better restaurant a few kilometers away. She then said that her driver was nearby and that the driver could take them there for free instead of paying for an Uber.
My friend, not thinking, agreed, and got in the car of her driver. The car drove a few blocks, stopped, and then three men (one with a gun) jumped in the car. They kidnapped my friend for five hours, using his face ID to unlock his phone and banking apps. They robbed him using his debit cards at ATMs, sending Zelle payments, and sending Paypal transfers.
Want to read more about safety in Colombia? Also see: 9 Tips For Dating Safely In Medellin From My Experience
Essentially, you should never get in a car that you haven’t personally ordered yourself. Uber is usually quite reliable and safe because you can see a drivers history, rating, and amount of trips completed. Still, never let your guard down. Sometimes I even cancel my Uber if the driver is brand new or has a bad rating.
Verify Identities With Online Dating
When meeting someone online, it’s important to verify their identity before meeting in person. Here are some tips:
- Have a video call before meeting. This allows you to see the person in real time and get a better sense if they are who they say they are. Look for inconsistencies between their profile pictures and video appearance.
- Ask for their social media profiles. On Facebook and Instagram you can see if their profiles are consistent with their dating profile. Look for a long history of use. Beware of sparsely used accounts and newly created profiles. If women don’t share their social media with me, I do not go on a date with them.
- Do a reverse image search on their profile pictures. This can help uncover if the photos are taken from somewhere else online.
- Ask them questions and look for inconsistent answers. Note if they avoid giving specifics about where they work, live, grew up etc., as this is usually a red flag.
- Trust your instincts during video chats. Note any strange or evasive behavior. Don’t ignore red flags just because you of how beautiful they are.
Also see: 7 Biggest Red Flags When Dating Foreign Women Abroad
Some dating apps have an option for profile verification. Others dating platforms even require it. Consider only dating women with a verified profile. Taking these steps to verify someone’s identity online can help avoid catfishing and ensure your safety when meeting someone for the first time. The extra effort is worth it to avoid dangerous situations down the line.
Don’t Dress Flashy
Avoid dressing in flashy, expensive clothing or accessories when going on dates in foreign countries. This can make you a target for thieves and scammers. Here are some tips:
- Leave expensive jewelry, watches, and other accessories at home or in your hotel safe. Items like gold chains, expensive watches, or diamond earrings will attract the wrong kind of attention.
- Wear non-descript, casual clothing on dates. Opt for plain t-shirts, jeans, and simple shoes rather than flashy designer brands. My favorite combo is a plain back t-shirt, blue jeans, and white sneakers. It’s classy but not flashy. You don’t want to broadcast wealth.
- Similarly, don’t constantly be taking out your wallet or cash. Be discreet when paying for items.
The idea is to blend in and not draw unnecessary attention. Follow the local customs and dress appropriately for the setting. In fact, when not on dates, I usually like to wear sport clothing – moisture wicking “dri-fit” clothing – which looks like I am going to the gym.
Guard Your Belongings in Public Areas
Walking around with your phone out is generally a bad idea in most foreign countries. Sometimes I see tourists walking around with their phone out while looking at Google Maps or recording videos. Instead, study the map before you leave your hotel or apartment, so you have a general idea of the exact location you are going. Walk as if you know where you are going.
Riding in public transportation – use secure pockets. Keep your wallet in front pockets. Keep your backpack in front of you. Or wear an over the shoulder strap bag, where the bag rests on your chest.
Also, as a general rule of thumb, if you ever do get robbed, especially with a weapon, it is best to hand over your valuables. Your life is more important than your cellphone, credit cards, and cash.
In Thailand, for example, petty crimes are more common than dangerous crimes but here is a guide: How To Avoid The Most Common Dating Scams In Thailand
Carry Limited Cash
A habit that I have found to work very well for me is to only bring the amount of cash that I am willing to spend (or lose) when going out. This includes leaving your debit and credit cards at your residence, usually in the safe. This way if you are pickpocketed or robbed, the loss is limited.
My good buddy Paul had his wallet stolen in Vietnam. Inside it, he had all of his debit cards, credit cards, plus a sizable amount of cash. Needless to say, he was quite distraught. It is hard to get new debit cards while overseas and traveling.
By limiting the cash I carry, I reduce both the loss and the incentive for thieves if something unfortunate were to happen. My credit cards stay tucked away securely, only to be pulled out for a particular purchase or to draw from an ATM. That way I don’t have to deal with canceling those or disputing fraudulent charges either. And lots of countries that are commonly visited for dating overseas, like the Philippines, Thailand, and Colombia, are often cashed based countries. Many small stores and shops will not even accept credit card payments.
The key is to only bring what you reasonably expect to use, plus a small buffer. There’s no need to carry your entire travel budget with you. You can always stop back by your room to get more cash if needed.
Use Your Hotel or Apartment Safe
One of the first things I do when I get to a new hotel or apartment is utilize the safe. I put my most valuable belongings in there: my passport, credit/debit cards, cash, and jewelry. This not only protects your valuables from potential theft, but also gives you peace of mind.
The only item I usually can’t fit inside a safe is my laptop because it is too big, but I can accept that.
Using the safe is especially important if you have staff coming into your room like housekeepers or girlfriends that you don’t trust yet. Unfortunately, theft does happen occasionally, although I have found most housekeepers to be trustworthy. However, I still err on the side of caution.
Using the safe takes an extra minute but provides great protection. Treat it as part of your routine when traveling and staying in hotels or short term rentals. It’s a simple way to secure your most important possessions.
Get a Residence That Has Front Desk Security
You might think that you prefer a residence without a security guard, which provides an extra step that can sometimes be a headache. I have personal experience with the downsides, as one security guard in the Philippines gossiped about me while I was going on dates with different women. He told one girlfriend that I was going on dates with other women even though I was still “playing the field” and not in a committed relationship.
However, the pros of having a security presence at your residence greatly outweigh the cons.
They usually check IDs to verify all women and guests are 18 or older – the last thing you want is to accidentally bring an underage woman into your residence. Some women have fake IDs or even lie about their age to you. In addition to your security guard, you also need to take ownership of verifying a woman’s age, to ensure that you never break the law in foreign countries. In addition, security can often scare away women that have ill intentions for you. Thieves tend to think twice about robbing you and the likelihood of getting kidnapped is greatly reduced.
Having trusted front desk security provides immense protection and safety. Make sure to get to know them, tip them occasionally, and establish a friendly rapport. This encourages them to look out for you and your belongings.
Avoid Common Scams
Some common scams to watch out for when dating internationally include:
Counterfeit Money
Be cautious when receiving local currency, as taxi drivers and others may try to pass off fake bills. These are often made to look real but have some small details that are off. Closely inspect any bills, especially large denominations, before accepting them. If you do receive a fake bill, it’s best to just walk away rather than confront the person.
A taxi driver in Medellin, Colombia once handed me a fake bill of 20K Colombian pesos. Although the amount only equated to $5 US dollars, it was clever and slick. I didn’t even realize the scam until he had driven away. Another friend of mine received a fake 500 Philippine peso bill in Cebu City.
Catfishing
Beware of catfishing, which is when someone pretends to be someone they’re not online. The person you are talking to and exchanging photos with may not match who you actually meet in person. Do your due diligence by having video chats and looking up the person’s name and info online. Don’t send money or share too much personal information with someone you haven’t fully verified.
Remember if it is too good to be true, it usually is. Here is an article I wrote about dating scams in the Philippines: How to Avoid Common Online Dating Scams in The Philippines
Sending Money Online
Never send money online without knowing the person and establishing a relationship of trust. I fell victim to this scam once, and now, as a rule of thumb, I never send money to anyone that I have not priorly met in person and built a relationship of trust.
I matched with a beautiful Venezuelan woman in Medellin, Colombia. We had video chatted, talked for several weeks, and made plans to meet up in person. However, she told me that she lived two hours outside of Medellin city and therefore needed some money for transportation. I sent her $50 via Western Union, only to have her block me immediately after securing the money. There is a long list of victims from similar scams. I’ve met many foreigners that have sent money to women online with the intention of meeting them in person. I was fortunate that mine was only for $50.
Is Dating Overseas Safe For Foreign Men?
Dating overseas can be a fun and exciting experience for foreign men. Most women you will meet are very kind and honest. The vast majority are sincere and genuine in their quest for a meaningful relationship.
However, when dating someone from another country, it’s important to be careful. Just like dating at home, you should get to know the person well before getting too serious. Make sure to talk a lot and ask questions to learn about who they really are. Being careful helps make sure that both you and the person you’re dating can have a good and safe time getting to know each other.