As a world traveler, I realize that dating internationally can be an exhilarating adventure, yet it is also filled with common pitfalls that can be easily avoided with a little cultural insight and honesty. Making mistakes is expected, but the key is not to make the same mistakes twice! These mistakes can turn into worthwhile lessons with some awareness and reflection.
In this article, I will highlight the most common mistakes foreigners make when dating women overseas. I have made some mistakes myself and learned the hard way from them. I have also witnessed others make other mistakes, and I was able to navigate around them through observation and learning. Understanding these challenges can profoundly impact the quality of your relationships abroad.
Also see: The Complete Guide to International Dating For Western Men
#7 – Not Embracing The Traditional Gender Roles
Dating overseas has been a breath of relief for me because the traditional gender roles remain intact. For example, women in Thailand, the Philippines, and Colombia typically embrace feminine household roles like cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry. As a man, you are expected to be a leader, protector, and financially supportive of the household. This doesn’t mean that she is going to be your slave but an equally contributing partner, albeit in different ways than you may be used to.
As a Westerner, I come from a culture where feminism and equality have taken afoot. I’m not saying this is good or bad; it is just that I prefer distinct feminine and masculine roles in my relationships. It was easy to bring some of my pre-conditioned tendencies when I began dating internationally. Try to shake off these tendencies and be open-minded when dating people from different cultures.
Every foreign woman is different, and some may still prefer to have a job and not solely rely on your income. Consider that an excellent woman. But in general, foreign women want and will even encourage you to be the man. Embrace this role. Aim to create a mutually beneficial connection to both partners and one founded on respect for each other.
#6 – Not Finding The Local Expat Community Quickly Enough
I would argue that you should prioritize meeting your local expat community even before you begin your mission of finding dates or a girlfriend. Every city I have visited overseas has expats living full-time or part-time in the country. Integrate with these men and learn from their mistakes. Soak in their advice and suggestions. Most will be glad to help fellow travelers.
On the flip side, be cautious about making friends with negative expats because it can become contagious. You will run into men who complain and whine about women in certain countries. Men who continuously have bad dating experiences have what I call a “broken-picker” when picking quality women. Although, maybe you can learn from their mistakes as well.
Integrating with the local expat community can be immensely beneficial. These communities provide valuable insights into the dos and don’ts of local culture, including dating etiquette. As a tennis and pickleball player, one of my favorite groups to get involved with is the local tennis community. Usually, there are friendly ex-pats in these groups. Other ex-pats can often be found in foreign-owned businesses, like restaurants, cafes, and common expat hangouts in shopping centers.
#5 – Unaware That Women Prefer Directness Overseas
Another misstep is not recognizing that many women overseas appreciate directness over “beating around the bush.” Coming from a Western dating culture, like the United States, I have been conditioned to be indirect about the type of relationship I am seeking because of fear of being chastised or accused of being creepy.
Please note that there is a big difference between being direct and being disrespectful. In general, foreign women despise men who solicit them for nude photos online and engage in dirty talk. Don’t do these things. Instead, keep messages light, flirty, and innocent.
However, after dating internationally for several years, one thing I commonly hear from foreign women is how much they appreciate directness and authenticity. A few of them have told me directly, “Thank you for being honest about your intentions with me.” Don’t be afraid to tell them if you have limited time in their country and are not seeking a long-term relationship. It is okay to tell foreign women the truth about looking for short-term relationships or fun. You will be surprised by how many women will still be open to meeting you for a date.
Remember, foreign women aren’t foolish. Particularly in highly visited tourist regions, local women are used to foreign men wandering in and out of their lives. It’s best to be straightforward about your plans and intentions.
#4 – Falling In Love Too Quickly
Another mistake men make is fixating on the first beautiful woman they meet. This is another lesson that I learned the hard way. On my first trip overseas – to Cebu City, Philippines – I met a stunning Filipina woman from Tinder on my first day in the country. Having just experienced years of difficulty dating in the United States, she was, at the time, the most beautiful woman I had ever dated, and I quickly fell in love with her.
The relationship did not work out because I was not yet capable of staying in the Philippines long-term and had to return to the United States after just a three-week trip. As a quality woman, she said that she was not interested in long-distance relationships. Being in love, her response broke my heart. On subsequent trips to the Philippines, I got to know her better, and we both realized we were not a good match for each other.
I’ve witnessed friends of mine who had similar experiences. They quickly met a foreign woman, fell in love, and even married them. Later, they regretted not taking their time and playing the field to find a more compatible partner. In the early stages, lust and desire take a stronghold, but eventually, the beauty will wear off. Men should take the time to get to know prospective girlfriends and allow genuine connections to be made.
Also see: Common Issues w/ Solutions For Expats Dating Filipinas
#3 – Not Staying In The Country Long Enough
A brief tour isn’t usually enough to understand the local dating culture or develop meaningful relationships. I meet lots of men traveling overseas who are “looking for a girlfriend” but can only stay in the country for one or two weeks.
Staying longer than an average tourist significantly opens up your dating options. In my experience, many quality women will not entertain a short-term relationship with men who are only visiting briefly as tourists. When you are only in a country for a week or two, you are more likely to attract women seeking short-term relationships, sometimes at a cost. On the flip side, staying longer than a month will provide deeper immersion and better opportunities for genuine dating connections.
To travel or stay in a foreign country long-term, I realize that the biggest challenges for most men are related to money. Getting your finances stable for monthly reoccurring income is the biggest bottleneck for most would-be expats. That’s why I created a free guide, based on my experience, that explores different options for financially supporting yourself, with several ideas you probably hadn’t thought of. You can have it delivered to your email 100% free by simply providing your name and email address here: Travel The World: 7 Financial Paths To Supporting Yourself Monetarily
#2 – Lack of Cultural Awareness and Acceptance
One of the most significant errors is a lack of cultural awareness. Many men overseas forget that they are guests in a foreign country and carry inappropriate and sometimes offensive attitudes or expectations.
When you start traveling, you will run into expats who complain and whine about how things are overseas. Sometimes, I even tell them that “if you don’t like the foreign country you are in, then consider moving back to your home country.” That usually quiets them down.
In Colombia, I saw an expat yell at a restaurant employee because she got his order wrong—”LEARN ENGLISH!” The expat clearly lost sight that he was an expat in a Spanish-speaking country. It was not her obligation to speak English but his duty to learn Spanish.
For dating, in particular, it is important to do some research about culturally acceptable behavior in different countries before you arrive. Public displays of affection are highly frowned upon in many Southeast Asian countries, for example, but not taboo in Latin America. One of the mistakes I made in the Philippines was trying to kiss a girlfriend while sitting in a coffee shop at the mall. She was quite embarrassed, and I learned never to do that again except for when in a private setting.
Also see: How To Spot Gold-Diggers When Dating Overseas
#1 – Prioritizing Outside Beauty Over Inside Beauty
Prioritizing physical beauty over important personality characteristics, such as integrity, kindness, and honesty, is a mistake I had to learn the hard way. It’s a difficult challenge for Western men because they suddenly realize they are “a catch” overseas while they might have felt invisible in their home country. When men like myself begin the journey of dating internationally, it is initially surprising to learn that many beautiful, younger women are interested in dating them.
One Colombian woman was the most beautiful woman I had ever dated. Beyond her stunning looks, Latin women can be quite seducing with their energetic personalities and ability to move their bodies while dancing. After not having much success dating in the United States I really couldn’t believe a woman that beautiful would want to date me. However, her outside beauty blinded me to properly qualifying her inside characteristics. While I thought we were in a monogamous, committed relationship – I caught her dating other men on the side.
Also, realize that some women seek foreign men for the wrong reasons. While you might fall in love with her, she might only see you as dollar signs. Be on guard for scams and gold-diggers, and if it looks too good to be true, it often is.